The Ghost Of You
by Tellhound
Summary: After Theresa's death Martin's mental health have just gotten worse and worse until a point where he thinks he can see her. Thinking there's nothing to do except joining her in heaven all he have on his mind is how he should end his life. Will he get the help he needs before it's too late? Multichapter story, in progress.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own Cabin Pressure or any of the characters._

_**The ghost of you**_

"I know it's been a long time since I last saw you and I know that I should try and forget about you, but there are so many things I need to tell you or else I might just explode. Things have been... bad lately and I just don't know what to do anymore. Usually flying makes me forget about everything and makes me feel like maybe things aren't as bad as I think they are, but I just... It doesn't work. Flying means nothing to me anymore. I work at MJN until the end of this month and then after that I have no idea what I'll do. Maybe I'll just take my last money and leave. This place is just filled woth too many memories and I can't handle it anymore. It's killing me." Martin took a deep breath and tried to blink away the tears that where threatening to fall as he waited for her to speak even though he knew she wouldn't. She never did. And even though he was used to being ignored it hurt.

"Theresa, please don't do this to me. I need you to tell me that I won't always feel like this, that things will get better. I need you to hold me and kiss me and tell me how much you love me. I need _you_." He closed his eyes and just let the tears fall. He had been holding everything inside for too long and he couldn't do it anymore. He needed to just let it all out.

"Why are you doing this to me?" He asked her as he looked at her again. "Why do you just keep ignoring me every time I come here? You told me that I could always trust you. You told me that no matter what you'd always be here for me. Was that just a lie? Was our whole relationship just a lie? Don't... don't answer that. I don't want to know." He sat down on the ground and wrapped his arms around himself, but was careful to not stop watching her, scared that she would just walk away if he did. It had happened before.

For a long time he just sat there watching her with tears streaming down his face. Why did she just stand there? Why didn't she even try to console him? Why did she just stand there and look at him? She wasn't even moving. It didn't even look like she was breathing. "Well, it was fun talking to you, but I... I need to leave. I'm late to work and the last thing I need is for Carolyn to yell at me." Martin stood up and wiped away his tears. To his dissapointed me she wasn't there anymore after that.

"I'm sorry I bothered you." He whispered before bending forward and kissing the gravestone that had her name on it. He knew he should tell something about all this, about how he felt, that he sometimes could see her even though she had been dead for months. But he was scared. Scared that no one would believe him, scared that they would send him away and let people in white coats pump him full of all kinds of pills that would surely make him feel like he wasn't himself anymore.

"Goodbye, Theresa." Those where the last words he spoke before walking away. But he weren't heading to work even though he was late. He wouldn't go back there anymore. He had lied to Theresa. He wouldn't go anywhere after tonight. All he was going to do was walk home, get drunk and then make sure he could join her in heaven. He had been planning it for weeks and now was the perfect time to do it.


	2. Chapter 2

_Discalimer: I don't own Cabin Pressure or the characters._

_**The Ghost Of You**_

**6 months earlier.**

"Martin, I know that you're nervous, but could you please at least try to relax? I don't see what the big deal is." he could hear her say from the other room. She sounded so calm, so relaxed, so... not like him. How could she not be nervous about this?

"You're meeting my family in less than an hour. I have the right to be nervous." he checked himself in the mirror one last time before walking out to Theresa and put his arms around her. "I know They're going to love you, it's impossible not to, but what if..." he trailed off and kissed her on the cheek. She was right. He was being ridiculous. He had nothing to worry about.

"But what?" she asked and turned towards him, his arms still around her. "You think I won't like them? Is that what you're worried about? Cause I can't promise you that I will like them. But what I can promise you is that I will never stop loving you." Martin smiled a little at her words, but he just had the feeling that somewhow that was not true.

"Can't we just stay here and watch a movie or something. You can meet my family some other time." He really didn't have a good feeling about this.

"We're going." She said and walked over to the closet and took out two skirts that she held out to him.

"I'm not wearing a skirt. They already thing I'm weird." He protested, trying to forget about that bad feeling he had.

"It's not for you. I just want you to chose one of them for me. I can't decide."

"Right. Um... The white one if you're wearing that shirt."

"You think so, wouldn't the red one be better?"

"There would be too much red. The white one is better." he fell down on the bed with a sigh. Why was it so important to do this today? Couldn't it just wait a few days? He watched as she took off the trousers she had been wearing this far and put on the skirt instead. "You have a nice ass." He told her and felt how his cheeks started burning. They had been dating for more than two years and still he couldn't say much to her without blushing. Theresa turned to him and kissed him on his lips. "I know what you're trying to do and it's not working. We're still going to meet your family."

Thirty minutes later they where driving in silence, Theresa texting one of her sisters and Martin deep in thought as he was driving. Maybe if he had been a little more concentrated he would have had enough time to react before a big truck drove into them from the side, Theresa's side.

As soon as the car was standing still it felt to Martin as if everything was going in slowmotion. "Theresa? Theresa, are you okay?" he wasn't entierly sure if he really said it out loud or if he just thought it, either way she didn't answer and that was not good. He tried turning his head towards her, but it hurt too much so instead he lifted his and and searched for her. When he found it he gripped it tight and closed his eyes. He just felt so tired and... he never meant to lose conciousness, but he did.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I don't own Cabin Pressure or the characters_

_**The Ghost Of You**_

**Now**

Martin had it all planned out already. He would write a note that explained why he was doing this and to say goodbye to his friends and family. He would then swallow the pills he had hidden in a box under his bed and then just wait for death to come and take him. The studens would be out for another few hours and by now Douglas and Carolyn had probably made the decision to fly without him anyway. He would be gone long before anyone could find him. It would be perfect.

He sat at his desk with a pen and paper for a very long time, making sure it was perfect, that he hadn't forgotten about anything before he walked over to the bed and took out that little wooden box he had hid there a few weeks earlier. He sat down on the bed before taking a deep breath and opening the box. Inside it there was lots of photos of Theresa and a few with the both of them. He had placed them there in hopes that he could get over her, be okay again... But it had not worked.

Beside the photos there was a little medicin bottle half filled with some painkillers he had gotten after the accident to help against the migraines he started getting. They would surely be enough to reach his goal.

Martin took the bottle from the box and opened it. Was this really the right choice? He wasn't sure, but right now it seemed like a much better one than to continue living. Qiuckly he swallowed the pills so he wouldn't have any time to change his mind and then he put the box on the floor, laid down on the bed and just waited. _Soon_, he thought. Soon he would be with Theresa again.


End file.
